Spanked For SPANX!

My Scotsman is gone for a while. We were lucky in that he has been home for much of the summer. Now we will most likely have a long stretch where I do not see him at all. The job is too far away and his work week too long for us to travel back and forth. Blech! But at least our finances will recover! 

Our summer has had some lovely moments. Both of us were quite happy since we had planned a short vacation with friends. I believe this is only the third time in our 23 years of marriage that we traveled without our kids!

However I must say that it wouldn’t be OUR-- or my kind of trip if something funny did not happen along the way. Unfortunately it happened right out of the gate….so to speak.

Before I get to the vacation story….

Maybe some of you can understand that I am somewhat dissatisfied with my weight….Sooooo I wear Spanx. Actually to be more accurate I wear a Spanx open bust, body slimmer suit… and also a camisole/ tank type Spanx.

 My Scotsman thinks I am INSANE. He also dislikes when he is called …ahem…to pull it up so I feel like it’s holding everything in properly…

Picture a corset being laced up…..

Well actually picture me almost lifted off my feet by him yanking hard and up to satisfy my stringent requirements! Sometimes creating a bit of a wedgie…..

We are both nearly sweating a bucket and laughing….

but I feel thinner!! LOL.

Often after he has heard enough of my…respectful directions…..shhhh….. (Really a shrieking bossy me)

 

Don’t worry those of you who feel sorry for the man…. 

That is often the time I am bent over the bed so he can let me know what he thinks of the Spanx---with several HARD SPANKS!

He thinks I am silly.

You can hear him bellowing loudly, “bloody hell, why do you wear these things?” 

He makes me laugh and I am happy that he appreciates my body without the binding.

Sooo back to our trip…..

We were so excited. I was trussed up in my DOUBLE SPANX, hubby in a dorky looking plaid fishing hat… the kids drove us to the airport. Our son earnestly trying to convince his dad to shed the hat!

Both of us were excited to get started on our relaxing vacation as we rushed to check in. Usually my guy is there to help with my many bags, lifting and quickly getting us through.

This time….We were separated. Picture me hefting my over packed carry on suitcase. I placed my purse, lap top and took off my shoes whilst laying everything in plastic containers on that rolling counter to be x-rayed.

Blowing what tiny bit of hair I have falling across my forehead, I scuttled forward and stepped into that….MACHINE. I raised my hands over my head….and after it did its job….I stepped out.

 A little like standing in the corner…lol... not that I would actually know!

ONLY to be stopped by airline security.

 CR#*!

“Mam are you wearing a body suit?” Quietly I answered…., “um yes, I am wearing spanx.”

Then I said, “Haha I am sure you get a lot of women wearing spanx?”

She didn’t crack a smile and said, “Nope not really.”

Then……

“OK now lift your shirt and rub your hands on the suit!”

Gah!

So I do, and they rub something on my hands….I'm cleared!

Of course, I never shared that I was wearing two SPANX!  I bet I would have had a more thorough search! I was red faced hurrying to my Scotsman. 

Next thing on the agenda was to find our gate and GET A DRINK!

We found our gate, managed to get a drink and relax!

Boarding our plane we were given better seats than we expected. However I was still sitting in the middle seat. I hate that….. since…. I knew at one point or another I was going to need the bathroom.

Soon my need to use the facilities had approached, I could hold out no longer. DARN. 

I wobbled my way down the aisle as we hit a bit of turbulence. 

Now I know that in reality I am not huge…but those bathrooms are small! Bending to use the convenience you are liable to hit your head on the door!! 

Maybe you are not as much a germ-a-phobe as I am…

But I was not sitting on that seat!

 So I pulled my drawers down and finagled one layer of Spanx. (Ladies use your imagination) You know the position!

Business taken care of I made my way back down said aisle and reclaimed my seat!

We landed, I texted my friend so she and hubby could pick us up.

 As I was walking off the plane with my Scotsman hurrying me on, I felt a slight dampness on the inside of my legs!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH I THOUGHT……WHAT THE HECK! (In a hushed urgent voice I asked hubs to check….)

Of course he had the look of ……huh???? What????

OH! Your fine! Come on lets go.

I knew something was there…so I moved my hand discreetly and discovered PEE!!

EWWWWEEEEEE!!!! OH my gosh…did I get pee on me from the plane?

 AND…whose pee???

As an aside I shared this with a friend and she shrieked, “YOU PEED YOURSELF!” All while laughing so hard she almost split a gut! I was mortified thinking it was my pee. She of coursed pointed out the alternative was a whole lot worse!!

Upon meeting my friend I had to immediately share that I sat in pee! The look on her face was priceless! Stealing my Scotsman’s jacket to sit on in their pristine car, we laughed as we traveled to their house!

Guess the first thing I did when we arrived!

Yep, a shower and I washed all my clothes!

Of course traveling alone has its many benefits! Although staying with friends even if the house was large, can hamper some things! Not that it stopped the man from threatening to turn me across his knee, or loudly smacking my ARSE at any opportunity.

Walking down the street never has stopped him so why would traveling to another state make him shy?

I must say that I was less cheeky with his constant smacking….LOL! I believe all my friends think we're a mite bit kinky. 

For me--- guessing...late bloomer! LOL

Yes----- I still wore the SPANX!