Trust

Grief is funny. I felt great sadness when I lost my mom. However, I knew she was in a better place. I had grieved during the long slow decline that is Alzheimer’s. That may sound trite and dismissive, but when you see someone suffer so….it is a blessing. 

Lately though, I wake wanting to speak with her, reach for the phone to share a moment of fun or have a discussion on some topic. I find myself experiencing the loss in ways I never expected.

A few weeks ago I was at church with Dad and my Scotsman. During communion I was watching everyone go up to receive. Nothing in particular was on my mind, I often look around and watch people, smile at children or parishioners I recognize. There are moments of reflection as I kneel, but my mind wanders and often the artist in me looks up at the windows and appreciates the colors and images in the cut glass. Either my Scotsman or I will take one others hand and softly caress the skin for a moment. I love when time slows and we can be in the moment with each other.

We sit in a pew close to the Priest. This particular Sunday I looked up just as an older couple approached the Altar together. The gentleman gently and lovingly guiding the tiny lady at his side. She turned toward him unsure of herself. The initial look of fear, sigh…such a trigger for me. He whispered softly in her ear. Together they stepped closer to the priest as she raised her hands for communion. The moment I saw this my P reached for my hand and whispered, “Are you okay?” I was completely choked up, tears brimming in my eyes.  How was he so in touch with me that he clearly intercepted that fragile, poignant moment? He knew. At times we are connected tightly as if one thought. 

I watched my mom so many times look trustingly to my dad for answers that she had long ago lost the capability to retrieve solely due to the ravages of Alzheimer’s disease.

I have been thinking about trust a great deal lately. So much has been written I am sure my thoughts are nothing new. Trust takes time and experience to build. We must work on being vulnerable with our partners. It is important to allow them to care for us with confidence, embracing-- while believing they are committed to, and concerned about us and our best interest. That doesn't mean there aren't mistakes in our commitment to trust. We are all human and make LOTS of mistakes. It is important that when we fail we work together to build it up again.

TTWD at its heart is about trust. It doesn’t matter if you are having fun with spanking or seriously embarking or have always had a Dd relationship. Building trust is of utmost importance. We must communicate and confide our needs to each other, over and over again. We have to have faith our partners will meet these needs. It may be necessary to allow for failure many times. Trust.

I am not perfect nor is my Scotsman. We ramble through life with ups and downs just like everyone else. I can be a witch… he a bellowing man. We both make mistakes and may hurt each other. However, I truly hope to build on our trust so that we can look lovingly to each other for the answers when needed.

I now happily watch for that couple and try to smile. Love.

 

This is Minelle’s Scotsman. As I was reading over this post tears came to my eyes. You have to understand what a wonderful loving woman my mother-in-law was, and to see this older couple caring for each other, I knew just what my darling was feeling. We knew what this couple was going through and how it will end. Even knowing this their love for one another was beautiful to watch.

Thanks for reading,

Minelle