So I did something impulsive and stupid.
I have been here before.
A long time ago, January of 2014 to be exact. The not so smart, crazy woman I am, used cinnamon oil on her bum. Read here if you want to laugh!
Today my excuse for stupidity is to blame it on missing my Scotsman......It has been about 5 weeks with just one short visit.
I just wanted a warm glow...something nice and comforting.
HA!
Really is that so hard to believe?
Please reserve judgement until you read the entire accounting.
My MIL has been experiencing joint pain lately. Our son kindly purchased Capsaicin cream to comfort and relieve her pain.
The little devil on my shoulder whispered in my ear....."Remember all those posts talking about something called a SILENT SPANKING?"
"I bet it would produce a nice "COMFORTING" WARM GLOW."
"Many people pooh pooed the discomfort......"That wee devil Said.....
The little stinker on my shoulder---- lied!
I went into the bathroom and thought oooh....I'll see what happens!
I squeezed out a generous dollop on my hand, rubbed it all over my left cheek, and did the same to the right cheek.
NOTHING HAPPENED.
I pulled up my panties and pants --smirking to myself. Just a twinge of feeling ran around my bottom.
I figured I was one of those woman who didn't experience anything when using the CAP cream.
Proceeding to my leather love seat, I sat to begin writing up my lesson plans for the week.
Hmmmmm.......I thought.
My bum is beginning to ......OUCH!!!
BURN! BURN! BURN!!!
HELLS FIRES!!!
What the heck? I turned and twisted.....
I texted some friends!
What will stop this burn?
While I waited for their suggestions I ran to the bathroom for a WET WASH CLOTH!
OH NO! Many of you are shaking your heads....NOT WATER!
Well I sat on that cool washcloth...GOLLLLLLLYYYYY!
It seemed to offer comfort.....but then.........!!
It just reignited the hellish heat once more! On a scale of 0-10....
10
Cat suggested oil.....I did that! Three times! Still burned.
I yanked my pants and panties down, turned a fan on and laid across the bed red arse in the air!
AHHHHHH! LOVELY!
It seemed to get better.
Then I was skyping with Ami....I confessed to my impulsive actions...
After her wide eyed perplexed look and wondering WHY I would do that we had a good laugh.....
UNTILL THE BURN BEGAN AGAIN!!
I carried my lap top and lay across the bed in front of the fan again a few times during our talk.
I was not bare arsed! I spared her that image!
Those earlier friends texted and called to check on my bum!
I'm still sitting on a hot bum almost 10 hours later....
When I told the Scotsman, he said, "NO MORE EXPERIMENTING!" He did think it was hilarious after he made sure I was okay!
Crazy what love will make you do to get that LOVING FEELING! *Smirk*
Thanks for reading,
Minelle
MILK!!! The answer is milk. It is the only thing that cools the burn.
ReplyDeleteAmy
Oh boy Amy, I wish I had this information sooner! Never again. I will pass the remedy on to anyone who needs it, however!
DeleteThanks!
Oh Minelle, what are we going to do with you? lol. I sure hope the burn has now reduced to the warm glow. Your Scotsman is right...no more experimenting!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry but I couldn't help laughing reading this, but at the same time I really feel for you missing your Scotsman and understand you wanting that comfort, being apart really sucks. I hope it won't be too much longer before you are reunited.
Hugs
Roz
Hi Roz! I know I am a crazy woman. My Scotsman did laugh! I was glad I could make him smile!
DeleteI do miss him so much! We never can tell how long we will be apart.
I am so sorry you have been away from you scotsman for so long....but girl, get a good book, rent a movie...I have that cap on my bum...and else where...i can so sympathize...once was more than enough for me too. Hope your love returns soon and that warm glow returns with him...
ReplyDeletehugs abby
Hi Abby! I read all the time...LOL. It just isn't doing the trick!
DeleteYou have had Cap cream ELSEWHERE?? On purpose?
I can't wait to see him again. I hate the separation!
Oh Minelle, I am sorry but I couldn't stop laughing reading this.
ReplyDeleteI hope your Scotsman is with you soon and take heed of what he said - no more experimenting.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Hi Ronnie! The good thing is I was laughing at myself! After the cream wore off I couldn't believe my idiocy....but it also made me laugh!
DeleteI think I am finished with experimenting! The man needs to return!
Sorry Minelle, but can't stop laughing over here. bless you, your desperation knows no bounds. I hope your Scotsman can put in an appearance soon and save the day!
ReplyDeletelove Jan,xx
Hi Jan! I need all the blessings I can get! I am desperate for a warm connection! He would certainly be welcome to save my day!!
DeleteMinelle, it's a good thing you have a support group to turn to! As far as crazy weekend activities, you win the prize. Monday, when someone asks did you have a good weekend, you better have another answer ready.
ReplyDeleteI could not stop laughing. However, being without your Scotsman is not a laughing matter at all. When will this be over?
Loved the picture!
Ella
Hi Ella! I needed to call in the troupes! However it had to be those I considered had experienced Cap cream! LOL. What can I win for my prize?
DeleteI wish he were here...Its getting long,
You are too funny. I guess you can put this in the "now you know" category. I think you should stay away from 'c's' - cinnamon, capsican.
ReplyDeleteYour Scotsman better get home soon - his services are needed and the sooner the beter before you do yourself bodily damage.
Hi Sunny! I am such a nut! NOW I know! I guess I am one of those who stupidly needs to learn from experience! NO MORE C's.....Wait is there another thing I can put on my bum that is a C? :D
DeleteI am sure my guy wants me undamaged when he returns! ;-)
Hi Minelle, I am sorry that this went so wrong, nevertheless, you made me laugh with it. I hope your Scotsman will be back soon, so that you won't experiment again.
ReplyDeletehugs
Nina
Hi Ni Na! I sure hope you never listen to this odd woman for crazy stunts!
DeleteGlad I could make you laugh!
How are you doing these days?
Hubby needs to come home so I am not tempted to experiment!
Hi Minelle,
ReplyDeleteThanks for the warning. I have never tried it, but at least I know that milk is the answer if the pain is too much to bear. Or maybe a nice dollop of strawberry yogurt.
Hugs,
Hermione
Hi Hermione! I would not advise you to try it! However if you do feel like experimenting, buy some Greek yogurt. Make sure it is refrigerated first!
DeleteI am not sure if there are some people that like the feeling? I wonder about that!
Hehe Minelle, I can't believe you did it again. :D
ReplyDeleteHi Julia! I know! What was I thinking? Although it has been two years since the last time....So my defense is that my memory was foggy!
DeleteOh Minelle this was funny, yet I can imagine your discomfort. No more experimenting and hang in there until your Scotsman returns.
ReplyDeleteHugs Lindy
Hi Lindy! I can't believe I was such a silly lady. At my age you'd think my self preservation would kick in! Maybe that will be my secret to a young at heart lifestyle? Nah.....not experimenting with that again!
DeleteHope he comes soon too!
You are so hopeless! The word "dork" springs to mind! How you can do this sort of thing twice simply beggars belief! Good grief, woman!
ReplyDeleteDid you manage to put the fire out in the end?
You deserve a good spanking!
Hugs
Ami
Hi Ami! I am not hopeless! LOL....More like I was HOPEFUL! I wanted that warm glow ---remember? Listen lady...I can imagine some kooky stunt coming from your neck of the woods....So be careful Missy!
DeleteYes the fire is gone and the man has agreed I need a spanking in almost every conversation we have had!
This is actually pretty dang hilarious!! I feel so bad and yet I'm laughing! Lol. All during reading I kept whispering "oh no!" And "don't do it, Minelle!" Hope the burn didn't last too long!
ReplyDeleteHi Maggie! I know pretty silly, right?!
DeleteUnfortunately the burn lasted long.... Off and on! Yikes!never again!
Oh no, that backfired! ;) ;) ;)
ReplyDeleteHow about another C? A good old cucumber mask on your poor abused tush, very moisturising...?
Wishing you all the best until your scotsman with his safer bottom warming techniques returns. I've got two more sleeps to go until I get my Xander back after weeks of not having him home...
Hi Willow! Yes it certainly created a back FIRE! I can just picture me with cucumber all over my behind! lol! I have some time before I can get to see my Scotsman..:(
DeleteI am glad you will see your Xander soon!
Oh my goodness...I know I should not be laughing. No more experimenting - it seems to get you in trouble. :-) LOL Though I have been known to try to "get that loving feeling" I have never tried any sort of cream or cinnamon...and I never will. :-) Hugs
ReplyDeleteHi Terps! 'That loving feeling' just calls to us even when unpleasant!
DeleteTrouble does appear when I experiment- so, no more.. For now!
Bonkers...tee totally BONKERS! I swear Minelle...all I can do is sit here shaking my head at your shenanigans. I'm with the Scotsman...NO MORE EXPERIMENTING! Oh and the coconut oil did help a bit but Amy is right...milk would have helped more...simply forgot about that since I very rarely have milk in my house anymore. ;)
ReplyDeleteIf you really need to feel that 'warmth', grab a paddle, go watch one of those self-spanking videos and see if you can figure out how to spank yourself! Praying your Scotsman makes it home and gives you a barn burner soon...you deserve it!
Hugs and blessings...Cat