My Scotsman
is gone for a while. We were lucky in that he has been home for much of the
summer. Now we will most likely have a long stretch where I do not see him at
all. The job is too far away and his work week too long for us to travel back
and forth. Blech! But at least our finances will recover!
Our summer
has had some lovely moments. Both of us were quite happy since we had planned a
short vacation with friends. I believe this is only the third time in our 23
years of marriage that we traveled without our kids!
However I
must say that it wouldn’t be OUR-- or my kind of trip if something funny did
not happen along the way. Unfortunately it happened right out of the gate….so
to speak.
Before I get
to the vacation story….
Maybe some
of you can understand that I am somewhat dissatisfied with my weight….Sooooo I
wear Spanx. Actually to be more accurate I wear a Spanx open bust, body slimmer
suit… and also a camisole/ tank type Spanx.
My Scotsman thinks I am INSANE. He
also dislikes when he is called …ahem…to pull it up so I feel like it’s
holding everything in properly…
Picture a corset being laced up…..
Well actually
picture me almost lifted off my feet by him yanking hard and up to satisfy my stringent requirements! Sometimes creating a
bit of a wedgie…..
We are both
nearly sweating a bucket and laughing….
but I feel thinner!! LOL.
Often after
he has heard enough of my…respectful directions…..shhhh….. (Really a shrieking bossy me)
Don’t worry those of you who feel
sorry for the man….
That
is often the time I am bent over the bed so he can let me know what he thinks
of the Spanx---with several HARD SPANKS!
He thinks I
am silly.
You can hear him bellowing
loudly, “bloody hell, why do you wear these things?”
He makes me
laugh and I am happy that he appreciates my body without
the binding.
Sooo back to
our trip…..
We were so excited. I was trussed up in my DOUBLE SPANX, hubby in a
dorky looking plaid fishing hat… the kids drove us to the airport. Our son earnestly trying to convince his dad to shed the hat!
Both of us were
excited to get started on our relaxing vacation as we rushed to check in.
Usually my guy is there to help with my many bags, lifting and quickly getting
us through.
This
time….We were separated. Picture me hefting my over packed carry on suitcase. I placed my
purse, lap top and took off my shoes whilst laying everything in plastic
containers on that rolling counter to be x-rayed.
Blowing what
tiny bit of hair I have falling across my forehead, I scuttled forward and
stepped into that….MACHINE. I raised my hands over my head….and after it did
its job….I stepped out.
A little like standing in the corner…lol... not that I would actually know!
ONLY to be
stopped by airline security.
CR#*!
“Mam are you
wearing a body suit?” Quietly I answered…., “um yes, I am wearing spanx.”
Then
I said, “Haha I am sure you get a lot of women wearing spanx?”
She didn’t
crack a smile and said, “Nope not really.”
Then……
“OK now lift
your shirt and rub your hands on the suit!”
Gah!
So I do, and
they rub something on my hands….I'm cleared!
Of course, I
never shared that I was wearing two SPANX! I bet I would have had a more thorough search!
I was red faced hurrying to my Scotsman.
Next thing
on the agenda was to find our gate and GET A DRINK!
We found our
gate, managed to get a drink and relax!
Boarding our
plane we were given better seats than we expected. However I was still sitting
in the middle seat. I hate that….. since…. I knew at one point or another I was
going to need the bathroom.
Soon my need
to use the facilities had approached, I could hold out no longer. DARN.
I wobbled my
way down the aisle as we hit a bit of turbulence.
Now I know
that in reality I am not huge…but those bathrooms are small! Bending to use the
convenience you are liable to hit your head on the door!!
Maybe you
are not as much a germ-a-phobe as I am…
But I was
not sitting on that seat!
So I pulled my drawers down and finagled one
layer of Spanx. (Ladies use your imagination) You know the position!
Business
taken care of I made my way back down said aisle and reclaimed my seat!
We landed, I
texted my friend so she and hubby could pick us up.
As I was walking off the plane with my
Scotsman hurrying me on, I felt a slight dampness on the inside of my
legs!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH I THOUGHT……WHAT THE HECK! (In a hushed urgent voice I
asked hubs to check….)
Of course he
had the look of ……huh???? What????
OH! Your
fine! Come on lets go.
I knew
something was there…so I moved my hand discreetly and discovered PEE!!
EWWWWEEEEEE!!!!
OH my gosh…did I get pee on me from the plane?
AND…whose pee???
As an aside I shared
this with a friend and she shrieked, “YOU PEED YOURSELF!” All while laughing so
hard she almost split a gut! I was mortified thinking it was my pee. She of coursed pointed out the alternative was a whole lot worse!!
Upon
meeting my friend I had to immediately share that I sat in pee! The look on her
face was priceless! Stealing my Scotsman’s jacket to sit on in their pristine car,
we laughed as we traveled to their house!
Guess the
first thing I did when we arrived!
Yep, a
shower and I washed all my clothes!
Of course
traveling alone has its many benefits! Although staying with friends even if
the house was large, can hamper some things! Not that it stopped the man from
threatening to turn me across his knee, or loudly smacking my ARSE at any opportunity.
Walking
down the street never has stopped him so why would traveling to another state make
him shy?
I must say
that I was less cheeky with his
constant smacking….LOL! I believe all my friends think we're a mite bit kinky.
For me--- guessing...late bloomer! LOL
Yes----- I
still wore the SPANX!
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